“Kick them when they’re up, kick them when they’re down…”

June 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm (Uncategorized)

Do you ever just get tired of people fucking with your head? It doesn’t even matter if they meant to or not-somehow, they have a hold on you and so just by merely existing, they mess with your head like nothing else. Sometimes they mean to fuck with you, other times they subconsciously do it, but if you asked them about it, they would have no clue about what you’re talking about. And again, some people just exist….
Nothing happened today to set this off in my head…I just checked Facebook. Nobody said anything on there to enrage me either. Just…reminders of things. Things that bug the living Hell out of me, and that I could address, if I had the guts to do so. And I do, really. I have the guts to address it-I don’t have the guts to hear the responses I might receive.
Some of my hesitation is also that I’m afraid I’ll lose control and just go off. It’s definitely possible. We’re talking years of anger and confusion and hurt that should be talked about, that’s built up, and could easily be unleashed if the wrong stimulus is applied. And…learning better control isn’t the answer. Letting myself feel those feelings every once in a while instead of suppressing them is what I should do. But…some people deserve to feel my wrath. I’m not going to do that though, because that would just be messed up.
I can’t remember the point of I was trying to make, so I’m going to stop here.

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