Unable to Forget

October 14, 2012 at 8:51 pm (Uncategorized)

Love is stupid.
Stupid stupid stupid.
All it does is hurt and
break me into pieces.

I want to love no one.
I want to be cold as ice.
I want the heart of stone that Mother
always accused me of having.
I feel too much.
The world is a chaos
of colors
and it’s just
Too
Much.

I want to rip out my heart
and bury it deep in the earth
where nobody can find it.
Not even me.
I want to burn it to
Ash
and have it scatter
into the wind.
I want the ocean to
carry my heart away.

I want it to carry me away.

I want to go someplace
where nobody can
tempt me
into letting them see
my soul.
I want to close into myself
and go into stagnation.

Let the cavern in my chest
settle with dust of
Dreams long gone
and fill with webs
of ancient memories
no longer remembered.

I don’t want to remember

I want to let go.

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2 Comments

  1. Amy said,

    I know there’s not really anything I can say, and I am willing to sit with you, in person or over the phone or however, to be with you while you experience this chaos of colors and soul.

    In my mind what’s speaking here is that soul, and that heart of yours which beats, though to me it does not feel too much or beat too strongly, or even or too quietly or enough–Rather, what you have is a heart that beats, and it feels so well.

    This is indescribably beautiful and profound in a society which oftentimes seems to miss the mark when it comes to depth–Where “How are you?” is mostly “Fine,” even when a person’s eyes are caving in and the light within them is flickering in time with the florescent fixtures overhead.

    In short, I feel as if pain opens us up to the changes we want to make, and I’m all set to experience that with you–Petals and tears and laughter and fog alike, if you find that you need that. Or even if you don’t. I’m not going anywhere. ❤

  2. Amy said,

    There are spelling mistakes in that post. Take out the “or” in front of “too quietly.” (Though it doesn’t matter too much).

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