Message In A Bottle

September 6, 2012 at 10:43 pm (Uncategorized)

I found a bunch of old pictures of you that I took today.  One of them was my favorite picture of us.  I don’t think I ever showed it to you. In fact I know I never did.  It’s technically not a very good picture-it’s fuzzy, there’s too much red going on, and you really can’t see our faces.  But in it you’re asleep, and I was trying to cuddle up with you without waking up.  I decided to take our picture.  I think I took it because I didn’t have any of us together. We were 19 I think. 

We were so young.

And now I feel so old.  So scarred and cynical.  Jaded.  Afraid.  Guarded.  Regretful.

I miss you so much.  I don’t think you will ever know.  I wish I had been more open this last year about how I felt.  I was just so scared.  I didn’t want to be full on rejected. 

I will never love anyone like I love you.  Nobody will know me like you did. 

We said so many things, we went through so much.  One day I hope you can forgive yourself like how I’ve forgiven you.  I don’t want you to live under such guilt for the rest of your life.  I just want you to be happy.

I don’t know if I can ever completely let go of you.  Five years is a long chunk of time to just let go into the past.  I think my heart will never completely heal from losing you.

I’ll never stop loving you.  You were always my knight in shining armor, nothing will ever change that.